007 – Hopefully the final time

So I gave it four months.  No one can say I didn’t try.  I waited and waited and waited, and nothing.  As always.  Why did I think it would be different?

He seemed somewhat different at first.  Less obsessed with the sex thing, which was nice.  I should have known that wouldn’t last.  It never got quite as bad as usual, but it definitely crept back in.  He seemed nicer and just more interested in me as a person, not someone to fuck.  I let it go to my head.  I was stupid.

For two months I didn’t talk to any guys but him.  I ignored everyone on my online dating membership who contacted me, because I really wanted to give things a shot with him and I wanted to believe he would come though and actually date me.  But as time went on, I realized I was back in the same position I always was, with a guy who wanted to dirty text me and was never going to actually see me.  So I started answering the guys online just to see what was out there and keep my options open.  If he had done anything to make a move to actually see me, I would have cut them all off in a heartbeat.  But nothing, as usual.  Just the texts.  He kept saying he had had knee surgery and was recovering.  For FOUR months.  I was waiting for a date, not a marathon.  So yeah, it got old.  Fast.  But I hung in there. Until I didn’t.

Eventually one guy was inoffensive enough and seemingly normal enough that I didn’t see a reason to not meet the guy.  It was one dinner and nothing ended up coming out of it beyond that dinner.  I had told 007 repeatedly that I wouldn’t wait around for him forever, and he would have to see me eventually or I would end up giving up on him.  It took four months before I finally agreed to see someone else for that one dinner. I didn’t tell 007 about it.  For one thing, I didn’t think it was any of his business.  If he cared and wanted to see me, he would.  He clearly didn’t.  For another, it wasn’t going anywhere.  The guy said he wanted to see me again, but went MIA by the next day, and I don’t chase guys.  Except 007 who gets millions of chances.  Or did until now.

About a week after the date in question 007 texted me something about me not being interested in sex with him.  I said it was more of him not being interested in dating me first.  He said, well maybe if you didn’t have the side joints going.  First of all, I had one date.  How is that “side joints” going?  Secondly, I never told him about it.  So how did he know?  What kind of crazy stalker shit was he pulling to know what I was doing and not telling him my every move?  Thirdly, who the hell is he to pass judgement on me when he is perfectly content to keep me sitting around for months waiting for him, like I have nothing better to do with my life?  I’m supposed to remain eternally fucking faithful to a guy who hasn’t bothered to even see me in at least 3 years? This was fucked up and pissed me off on so many levels.

I immediately texted him back and told him he could go fuck himself and be self-righteous with someone else.  Then I reinstalled the block on my phone and went into my email and fired off a furious email telling him that I put the block back on my phone, reset the email filter to automatically delete his emails and to not bother turning back up in six months because there was no point.  I didn’t believe he ever had any intention of dating me, and he could go ahead and call me a slut if he wanted.  A nun wouldn’t be chaste enough to please him. I told him I may be crazy, but he needed help more than me.

What is wrong with me?  Why is this the guy I like and want?  There are so many better guys out there, and I keep coming back to this asshole.  What the fuck?  And the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me that he knew shit I hadn’t told him.  Because it wasn’t the first time he pulled that shit.  He had made comments before about me having sex one specific night when I was out with the guy I was dating for several months. I hadn’t told him I was out with the guy. How did he know? There were other comments I had ignored at the time that all added up to something not right. I checked in with a friend who does IT security for a pharma company and asked how easy it would be for someone to hack my phone and/or email.  He said it would depend on how good my passwords were, specifically on my phone and icloud.  I told him, admittedly somewhat ashamed, there was no password on my phone, my icloud password was my son’s name, and my email, bank account and dating password were all the same, again variations on my son’s name.  I think if he could have strangled me through the phone, he would have.  He said hacking me would be a breeze.  So, I was fucked.  He helped me set up all kinds of passwords and shit I never used before in my life.  I fucking hate it.  Almost as much as I hate the idea of 007 hacking into my life and stalking me.  So lesser of two evils.  That was my Saturday afternoon.

I tried to let it end there. Truly I did. Write him off and just move on. But I was pissed. He was making this latest disaster my fault, like I was some raging slut and he was the poor wronged innocent guy. That’s not the way the story really went, but I knew that’s how it would go in his head. I just wasn’t ok with that.

So, I sent one final email. I told him the issue all these years wasn’t his job, or his knee, or me being the whore of Babylon (which I’m not, btw). The issue was always him. He would never change no matter how long I waited. I told him I gave it four months before I agreed to dinner with one guy, because I was tired of being his dog on a rope, having a bone thrown at me now and then, but never being let off that fucking rope. Because you know what? I’m not a dog, and he doesn’t own me. Fuck his knee excuse. If he wanted to see me, he would have. He didn’t want to. I told him please leave me the fuck alone and see a damn therapist already. And now that it’s all off my chest, I feel better. I’m not happy. I wish he was someone he’s not. But he’ll never be that person no matter how many years I wait or how many chances I give him. I’m just a game to him, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s game over. I just sincerely hope he has the decency to really stay away and leave me alone for good this time.

#128 Corey – Side Joint Guy

After four months of being strung along by 007 with no end in sight, I figured dinner with someone else wasn’t a bad idea anymore. I didn’t expect to fall in love with the guy, but felt like I needed to get out, even if it was just to get my head out of my own ass, which is where it felt like it had been residing for the last 4 months.

Corey suggested meeting at a Mexican restaurant across the street from my work as he lived in that area. I agreed. He worked in the same field as me, so we had some things in common.

He seemed like a nice enough guy. Not bad looking, not amazingly hot, and he kept the conversation going through drinks and dinner. Red flag #1 was when he told me he didn’t like cheese. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like cheese. I think it’s highly unnatural. I asked what was his objection to cheese and suggested that a Mexican restaurant was a rather cheesy selection for a guy who doesn’t like cheese. He said he didn’t like the hormones in milk and cheese and thus avoided them. I asked if this went for meat too, and he said, no, he was fine with that. I let it go for the moment. He pulled the cheese off his tacos when they came out and proceeded to eat the meat which I’m sure was perfectly hormone, antibiotic, and whatever free.

Red flag #2 – he told me he liked to eat organic food. I said I really didn’t think it was worth the added cost and he disagreed saying, you’re well paid, you can afford to eat organic. Can I afford it? Since my son moved out and my grocery bill has dropped dramatically, yeah, I probably can, but still, I don’t think it’s worth it and there are other things I’d rather spend my disposable income on, like books or the new hvac system I had to install last week when mine (which I fully agree was quite possibly antique) kicked the bucket. I’d rather have heat than organic food, but that’s just me. I didn’t like this guy I just met planning my grocery budget for me. That irked me for some reason.

Red flag # 3 – the waitress brought a dessert menu and I said I wasn’t interested. He looked it over and said, oh, they have flan. I love flan. I said, um, you know that’s made with milk, right? He said, no, it’s not. I said, yes it is. I’ve made it. It’s a custard made with milk. He was like oh, really? Yes, really, buddy. Give me a fucking break. So no milk or cheese, unless it’s in flan because he really loves flan. Whatever.

Red flag # 4 – we finished dinner and he walked me to my car. Nice gesture, even if it was parked 20 feet from the front of the restaurant. He made a comment about how I must be paid well to be driving a Mini Cooper (it’s not new, I’ve had it 3 years). I said it wasn’t a super expensive car, but yes, I felt I was paid well in my position. I think I’m fairly successful, career wise. He made me feel very awkward about it. Then I asked what he drove, and he pointed to the Mercedes two cars over. So my mini was ostentatious. His Mercedes though, not so much?

Anyway, he said he wanted to see me again and asked if I wanted to get together on the upcoming weekend. I explained I would be out of town that weekend visiting my sister, but said he should text me and we could plan something for after that. He texted me later that night saying he had a good time and wanted to make sure I got home ok. I texted back that I had and thanked him again for dinner, and never heard from him again. Whatever.