Guy 121 – Kirby – Body Wash Guy

Kirby was a sweet, much younger guy.  He claimed to be very into the MILF thing, but I think part of it was a bit of social awkwardness preventing him from finding girls his own age.  I have found with some younger guys they find it easier to talk to me than girls their age.  I guess it’s less intimidating because there’s no way I am looking for any kind of serious relationship with them.  That is kind of funny though, as several guys my age have told me I am intimidating.  So apparently dating me is intimidating, but I’m easy to be around otherwise.  Anyway, he was very cute and clearly spent quite a lot of time at the gym, so looks weren’t his problem.  We hooked up once and he suggested we shower together afterwards.  That’s not really my thing, but I figured I could either shower with him, or thirty seconds after he left my house, so if it made him happy, it was no big deal.  If he wanted to watch me condition my hair three times to get out the fuck knot, so be it.

It was sometime around conditioner number 2 when Kirby grabbed the bottle off the shower shelf and asked if he could use my body wash.  I said he was welcome to use that bottle, but it wasn’t body wash.  He asked what it was, and I suggested he read the label.  He did and asked, what’s Summer’s Eve?  I told him it was a girl thing, but he was welcome to use it if he really wanted to.  He practically threw the bottle back on the shelf.  All I could think of was the commercial where the guy accidentally uses his girlfriend’s Summer’s Eve and then does a bunch of manly things to make it OK, and then I couldn’t stop laughing.  Kirby didn’t find this nearly as funny as I did, oddly enough.

Kirby contacted me to meet again, but I was out of town at the time.  I’m pretty sure he didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t home and thought I was just blowing him off.  He was a nice guy, but I just don’t think there was anything there, aside from a really funny moment when he wanted to soap himself up with Summer’s Eve.  I really hope he finds a nice girl his own age.

 

Repeat – Dirty Panties Guy

So DPG did turn up one more time.  He texted me to tell me he had seen me in his neighborhood.  I texted back to tell him it wasn’t me, as I was sitting in my home at the time.  He asked if I was sure, as if I couldn’t tell where I was while I was texting him.  I guess some people are confused as to whether they are sitting in their homes or in their cars in strange neighborhoods.  He said he saw “someone that could be your twin…I was stopped right next to her…I would have bet 1000.00 it was you.  Cute little sneaky hot librarian look…”  I replied, ok, thanks, hi.  I wasn’t aware this was the look I was portraying or the impression people got from me.  Now I really wonder if this is what all guys think of me???  Sneaky little librarian?  What the fuck?  He finally got the hint and left me alone.

 

Guy 122 – Leon – Flower Planting Guy

I started talking to Leon and he seemed like a nice guy.  He said he was really shy though and had never asked a girl out.  I asked how that could be possible, and he said he always just got to know them first as friends, and then started dating them.  He said most of the time he helped them out with something and things progressed from there.  I mentioned that I was going to work on my garden, and he offered to help.  I figured if the guy wanted to come dig holes in my backyard, who was I to refuse the help?

Leon came over and spent a couple hours hanging out and helping me plant a bunch of stuff.  We got along really well and kept texting after he left that night.  I assumed we would see each other again.  I started doubting that when we were still just texting a few months later.  He had suggested getting together a few times, but it was always at an odd time when he knew I wouldn’t agree to it, like 11 on a Sunday night, or some other crazy time.

It stayed as a friendly texting thing for about three months.  Then he texted me one night saying he was really upset and depressed.  I asked why and he said a girl he really liked, a girl he had been blowing me off for months for, had said something awful to him.  So dude texts me to tell me that he’s been blowing me off for months for some chick who just blew him off and he wants me to be his shoulder to cry on now?  You have to be fucking kidding me.  He said none of his friends were answering him.  I suggested he look for new friends, and a new girlfriend, and then stopped answering his texts.  What kind of balls do you need to have to tell someone she’s been your backup for months, and then ask her to empathize with you because your main interest doesn’t want you?  Was I supposed to be honored to be moved to the front of the line?  And this was a guy I had thought was nice.  What is wrong with people?

 

007 Returns AGAIN….

So I thought he was gone for good.  I had gotten completely fed up with him the last time and blocked him on my phone.  I set a filter on my email so his emails wouldn’t show up in my inbox.  What I didn’t consider was where they would show up.  I was in my junk folder looking for an AC Moore coupon to buy a frame, when what do I find?  An email from 007.  Apparently the filter I set was to send his emails to my junk folder.  I thought about not answering it.  I knew I shouldn’t answer it.  It had been 8 months. Let sleeping dogs lie, don’t beat a dead horse, stop being fucking stupid, all those sayings I should have listened to ran through my head as I replied to his fucking email.

We spent a couple days emailing back and forth and he asked if I had blocked him on my phone.  Said he had tried texting me a few times and didn’t get a response.  I confirmed that yes, I had blocked him.  He suggested I unblock him.  I asked why, so he could suggest I fuck him?  He said no, he wasn’t going to do that.  So, I unblocked him.  There followed a couple weeks of texting, in which he was actually nicer than usual.  I asked if his medication dosage had been increased or something.  I should have known it was too good to be true.  He started in on me saying I wouldn’t “bang” him and what was he supposed to do.  I suggested he date me like a normal person and not obsess over fucking me so he was no better than every other sleaze bag guy I’ve been with.  He said, but if you said you never would, what’s the point?  Back to square one again, 007 texting that I should fuck him.  Now there’s one I’ve never heard from him before.

I don’t know why I ever believe he will get it and understand how shitty that makes me feel when all he says is, you should fuck me.  I could get that from any guy.  I keep thinking he’s different, but he’s not.  He doesn’t want anything else from me or care about me as a person.  I’m just a walking vagina to him.  I told him go away, leave me alone.  I blocked him again, and set a new email filter.  Now they go directly to trash so I won’t accidentally run across any looking for a coupon for a frame or dress or whatever.  He needs to go his way and I need to go mine.

So far mine is completely single for the last four months.  I keep debating what to do, and keep coming back to, I think I’m broken.  Anyone I get involved with is just going to be another mess, so why bother?  I’ll just fuck it up. I’ve done it 122 times before.   Maybe I’m a little melodramatic tonight.  It’s been a bad day.  Maybe things will seem better in a week or so and I will feel up to trying again.  But it’s been four months, and the thought of trying and fucking up again just makes me even more depressed.

Maybe crazy dog lady isn’t a completely awful future.  At least they love me unconditionally, are always happy to see me, don’t blow me off for someone else, and don’t have an ulterior motive (like getting in my pants) for hanging out with me.  And they never ask me to talk about my feelings or get insulted when I’m sarcastic.  In fact, I’m pretty sure they find me as hysterical as I find myself.  Granted, I’m not kissing anyone who drinks from the toilet and considers sniffing asses to be an acceptable greeting, but hey, they’re good companions and always listen without judging.