I must be a glutton for punishment, or just really stupid, because I’m at it again…

#114 – Matt – Married Guy

Yeah, I know, big mistake. After the Jeff debacle, I thought my best bet was to find a guy who wanted a purely physical relationship and wouldn’t want or expect me to fall in love with him. A married guy who supposedly loved his wife seemed perfect. I know I should have considered that a guy who truly loved his wife and kids wouldn’t be cheating on her, but hey, hindsight is 20/20, right?

Anyway, it went OK for the first few weeks. I saw him once or twice a week and had fun with him. He seemed like a nice guy, aside from the obvious fact that he was cheating on his wife. He made me laugh and didn’t seem like a complete sleaze whose only interest was getting in my pants. Then he cancelled on me last minute for a family emergency. Said a relative had died on the other side of the state. I understand, that stuff happens. I was fine with that. He apologized, said he would let me know when he was back in town.

A few days later, Matt emailed me again. He said he was back and asked if I would be up for meeting Wednesday night. I had plans for Wednesday, but agreed to rearrange them so I could see him. Wednesday rolled around, and no word from Matt. I emailed him, asking what was the plan, and got absolutely no response. In fact, I got no response from him until I emailed him on Friday saying, hey, really not cool to completely stand me up, a simple no thanks would have been nice. Matt emailed back telling me that this was why he wanted something no strings attached with someone who would understand the limitations of his situation. I had rearranged my plans to be available when he was (more than just that once on Wednesday) as he had scheduling limitations – to be expected when you have a wife and two kids. I wasn’t trying to attach any strings to the situation, just asking for common courtesy and to be told if he wasn’t going to show up. I pointed out there is a difference between strings and manners.

Matt apologized and suggested we get together again a few days later. Like a fucking moron, I agreed. He said he would be over sometime after 9. About 10 minutes before that, he emailed and said he would be late, because a kid he coached had been hurt, and he was going to stay at the hospital until the parents arrived and would let me know what was going on. I said OK, just keep me updated. Then I heard nothing for two hours. I emailed and asked for an update. No response. Finally about half an hour after that, he emailed and told me he would have to reschedule because the kid was “like a son” to him and he was going out to eat with the family. Oddly enough, I was in the middle of emailing him when his update came.

I agreed. We should reschedule. I had been sitting around for 2.5 hours with no idea what was going on. I suggested Matt pick another night and I would agree and clear my schedule. I would vacuum my whole house (I have large Northern breed dogs who were currently blowing out their coats and had to vacuum every day), wash all my bedding (same reason), shave everything (obvious reason, I assume), and then sit around all night waiting for him not to show up. (I had actually gotten up at 545 that morning to wash my bedding before going into work as I had so much scheduled that day. Then I ended up so busy there was no hope of lunch and finally got home around 7. I work hard, I was exhausted. The bagel I ate between vacuuming and making my bed was breakfast, lunch and dinner, as it’s all I had time to eat before jumping in the shower and getting ready for the guy who never even showed up.) What the fuck? I was done. I told him I had tried to deal with seeing him on his terms and schedule, but his lack of communication made it impossible. I assured him again, it had nothing to do with strings, but everything to do with common courtesy. I had spent another night sitting around waiting for him with no idea what was going on, because he didn’t feel I was worth letting know that he wasn’t going to show. I guess if you are just the slut the guy is cheating on his wife with, you aren’t deserving of basic manners. I felt like utter shit, and realized yet again that all my dating disasters had eroded any shred of self esteem I managed to build up. I went to bed feeling like the biggest loser in the world.

Then I woke up the next morning angry. Because yeah, I was stupid to get involved with a married guy. But I bent over backwards for that asshole, cancelling plans several times and seeing him at whatever odd hours he could get free. He treated me like the puppy dog chained in the yard, waiting for its owner to come home. I deserve better than that. Everyone does. He isn’t a nice guy. I had no doubt he was patting himself on the back for what a great guy he had been staying at the hospital with the kid and his family, and what a bitch I was for being pissed he stood he me up. But let’s be honest – if he hadn’t been at the hospital, he would have been in my bed, fucking a woman who isn’t his wife. That isn’t something nice guys do. I told Matt not to let himself off the hook as a good guy, because he truly was treating both me and his entire family with zero respect. The only person Matt cared about was Matt. I suggested Matt grow up, talk to his wife, and get his shit together.

Could I have handled it better and not been quite as bitchy? Yeah, and I probably should have taken the higher ground and done so. I do feel somewhat bad about it, but at the same time, all I wanted was to be treated like a decent human being. If you don’t want to see me, fine, I’ll get over it. It’s disturbingly easy to find guys to sleep with if you aren’t hideously unattractive, too easy, in fact. Just have some fucking manners and tell me. Don’t expect me to sit around all night waiting for you like my time means nothing. I spent years doing that with 007.

One of the most interesting things about the situation is that Matt’s wife was a family counselor. They had weekly scheduled meetings to talk about their feelings. Either she’s the lousiest counselor in the world or he’s the best liar as his infidelity never came up.

Maybe I am better off being single forever, especially if this is what marriage gets you.