Guys 59 and 60 – Mitchell and Trey

Nothing memorable, sorry.  Maybe next time.

 

Guy 61 – Zeke – Criminal guy

I emailed back and forth with Zeke for a week or so.  We agreed to meet at a frozen yogurt shop.  His pictures hadn’t shown him wearing a skull cap and covered in tattoos.  I mean large visible tattoos.  Like all over his neck.  OK, it’s just appearance, we can get past this.  It’s not like he’s one of the age deniers.  That’s what I told myself over and over again.  My mantra ended when he said he hadn’t been completely honest about his recent past.  He had been living in Nevada, or Colorado, or Montana, or whatever state out that way.  That part was true.  What he didn’t mention was that he’d been living in a prison in that state for the last 8 years.  He claimed it was a DUI thing, his first one.  Sorry, I wasn’t buying it.  Eight years on a first DUI?  He either killed someone in his “first DUI”, or he was completely lying about the offense.

He wasn’t allowed to drive and had walked 2-3 miles to meet me.  I agreed to drop him off on a main street somewhere by his house.  I dropped him off, said so long and drove home thinking, yeah, I’m not going anywhere near this guy again.

And then he called me.  Not like the next day or next week.  I’m talking about 20 minutes after I dropped him off.  He said he really liked me and wanted to see me again.  In fact, he thought I should go back and pick him up in 10 minutes.  I passed.  Maybe Zeke had paid his debt to society and earned a second chance.  Unfortunately, he creeped me out and I wasn’t trying a second time.  Bye Zeke.  Stay clean.  Or sober.  Or good or whatever (still don’t know the offense).

 

Guy 62 – Roland – No face pic guy

Roland seemed like a nice guy.  Good job, not likely to be a criminal, interested in meeting.  But he didn’t want to send a pic because he had to be careful with his job.  Or something.  Some stupid excuse.  He finally said he’d send me a body pic.  Dude was a runner.  Serious runner with muscular legs, six pack stomach, you get the idea.  OK, fine, I’ll meet Roland for dinner.  How bad could he be with that body?

I get to dinner and find Roland.  And Roland’s real reason for not sending a face pic.  He was extremely unattractive.  I’m talking goofy looking guy, bad teeth, bad haircut, etc.  We had dinner and he wanted to meet again.  I would have no problem being friends with the guy, but we were both looking for someone to date, so that was the end of Roland.  And the end of meeting ANYONE without a face pic.

 

Guys 63 and 64 – Seth and Joel

Nothing memorable, aside from Joel telling me I was intimidating.  I don’t see it.  I’m a really small woman.  When discussing it with a close friend, she said it’s probably because I’m very direct and have a big mouth.  I think she said it more tactfully, but that was the gist of it.  Oddly enough, he wasn’t the first guy to call me intimidating.  That would be 007.  I find this odd, because he was one of the few guys I found intimidating.  I knew he was as smart as I was, and would call me on my shit.  Most guys let it slide past, either because they didn’t care, didn’t want to start an argument, or didn’t have the balls to confront me.  I kinda met my match with 007, and realized, I might not win this one.  I wouldn’t say I am a competitive person, but I don’t like losing.  So yeah, I find that intimidating.  Anyway, moving on…

 

Guy 65 – Matt – Oral guy

Matt was a guy my age.  I should have known from the start that it was doomed.  He had 3 kids and already had the kid/ex wife drama going on in the first meeting.  Strike 1. He once walked in my house at night wearing sunglasses.  I don’t know why, but this really bothers me.  Strike 2. I told him only tools wear sunglasses at night.  He didn’t do that again with me.  He wasn’t the best looking guy I had dated, nor was he the worst.  I knew from the beginning that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was fun.  He was a guy I didn’t expect to be around long term.  Kind of a fun while it lasted type of thing.

Matt’s greatest appeal by far was his oral skills.  The guy was amazing.  I have no idea what he did down there, but I wish he would train every guy I ever sleep with to do it.  Unfortunately, that was all he could do.  The guy could not get hard or stay hard enough to actually have sex with me.  He told me that if I fucked him on my dining room table, he wouldn’t have any problems.  Oddly enough, this didn’t appeal to me.

The guy had constant car and babysitter issues, so seeing him was spotty.  I was out with my sister one night at the bar, and texted him saying he should come meet us.  He said it was snowing and his car sucked in the snow, and that I was the one who drove a jeep, and was way too trashed to pick him up.  (we had walked to the bar, it’s like 3 blocks from my house.)  He said there was no way he was walking to the bar because it was “octic” outside.  This was where my sister and I lost it.  I texted him back, asking with “octic” meant.  He said I thought I was so smart, but he knew more than I did.  He said it meant it was cold outside.  My sister grabbed my phone, dying to text him what an idiot he was.  I told her no, I wasn’t ready to give him (or rather, his oral skills) up yet.  I let “octic” go.

Sadly Matt didn’t last long beyond this.  He became more and more spotty in being available and actually showing up.  It got to the point where he was blowing me off more than he was seeing me.  It was always his job, or his kids, or his ex, some kind of drama.  Things kind of trailed off and it just wasn’t a thing anymore.  I probably should have let it go, but I couldn’t.  Once I knew we were through, I texted to inform him that “octic” was an obscure mathematical term.  “Arctic” referred to cold weather.  He didn’t thank me for setting him straight.  I didn’t really miss him, but I did miss his oral skills.  I have yet to meet someone to match what he could do.

 

Guys 66, 67 and 68 – Jensen, Jeremy and Jasper (what’s with all the J names? I met lots of J name guys)

Nothing memorable.  Jensen was kind of sweet and shy.  That’s pretty much it.

 

Guy 69 – Scott – Self absorbed guy

I met Scott as a hook up kind of thing.  He was a nice guy, we had a good time, we were done.  At least, that’s what I thought.  About a month later, I got a call from a guy calling me Julie and asking how I was.  I thought it was a wrong number, until he explained who he was and I realized he didn’t even remember my name (it’s not Julie, btw).  He asked if I wanted to get together again and suggested I come over his place at 6 (he lived nowhere near me, we’re talking a 40 minute drive here, minimum).  I was out and told him I wouldn’t be home before 7 at the earliest.  That presented a problem for Scott, as he had dinner plans with friends at 8.  So this guy calls me, forgets my name, wants me to drive down to his place so he can conveniently fit banging me in the schedule, all without changing his dinner plans.  Julie/I decided to pass on his dial a date scheme and I never heard from him again.

Guy 70 – Sean – Sweet Australian guy

Sean had come to the US to meet a girl he had been talking to/dating for several months.  Only the poor guy spent a fortune on airfare, and she dumped him the second he got here.  He was by far one of the sweetest, nicest guys I have ever met.  He was also much younger.  I made him dinner and hung out with him a couple times.  He actually brought me flowers.  He was the first guy to do that since flower guy.  He was only here for a few weeks, and then went back to Australia.  We still keep in touch, emailing every few weeks or so.  He is one of only 2 guys in this whole dating mess with whom I still talk.  I miss Sean.

 

Guy 71 – Jace – Throat guy

Nothing really stood out, aside from him reaching for my throat in the middle of sex.  Again, other people are into that shit, but I am not one of them.  A guy I once slept with told me he knew if one of us was ever going to be tied up during sex, it would be him.  Anyway, asshole reached for my throat, and I immediately formed a fist to punch him in the face.  He dropped his hands, we were done for good.

 

Guy 72 – Judah – Teeth guy

Judah claimed he was amazing at oral.  After Matt, I found this hard to believe, but what the hell, let the guy try.  He used his teeth to try and gnaw off my clit.  I don’t know who told this guy he should act like a squirrel trying to open a nut, but they should be shot.  No teeth in oral.  I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked it if I raked my teeth down his penis.  Judah was done.

 

Guy 73 – Jerome

Nothing memorable.  On to the next.

 

Guy 74 – Perry – earthy crunchy save the world guy

Perry wasn’t bad.  We had fun together.  He was one of those earthy crunchy, power of positive thinking, save the world kind of guys.  Yeah, I know, really not my thing.  I was obscenely busy at work at the time and had to cancel on him a couple times.  Then he asked me to meet him somewhere on a Saturday.  I ended up going in to work instead, thank God.  It was one of those seminar things where the company tries to recruit you for their get rich quick scheme.  (I had no idea what it was when he asked me to go – definitely should have asked for more info on that one.)  He got tired of me cancelling on him for work, and I had no interest in his business schemes, so we were done.