Guy 49 – Joey – Shy guy

Joey was another young one.  He seemed very nervous and shy.  He was cute and eventually at the end of the night he had the balls to kiss me.  I agreed to see him again, and he went MIA.  Turns out he wasn’t that shy, thought that it would get him laid if I thought he was sweet and innocent.  He didn’t get laid, and I just got irritated.  Guys really suck sometimes.

 

Guys 50 and 51 – Adam and Derek

Nothing memorable .  Nothing to see here, folks.  Move along.

 

Guy 52 – Dave – Smelly Color guy

Dave was younger.  He was a nice guy, didn’t want anything but FWB.  It worked out really well for a few months. There were some weird things about him.  So what if he told me he wanted me to sleep with other guys and tell him about it.  I didn’t do that.  He also needed much stronger deodorant, which I spent 3 months trying to figure out how to say tactfully.  I told him I had no problem with him dating women his age, I just wanted out if he started sleeping with one of them.  He agreed this would work for him.

The first night he stayed at my house, he woke up early and asked if my neighborhood was always this noisy in the morning.  No, I realized, it’s not normally this loud.  I looked out the window and saw it was yard sale day for my block.  Every neighbor in the world was out there, and Dave was about to walk right past them to go to some practice thing he had.  I would really prefer that my neighbors know as little as possible about my sex life.  I’m the only single one on the block, and I am sure they already talk about me.  I told him no, he had to wait until the yard sale thing was over.  That was about 5 hours away.  He said he couldn’t wait, but he would try to be discreet.  Yeah, there is nothing discreet about leaving someone’s house at 8 in the morning and walking down the street to your car.  Damnit.  Maybe no one noticed.  Maybe it will slip past.  My neighbor asked me later that day, who was the guy leaving your house early this morning?  Fuck, that didn’t go like I wanted.

Nothing special happened for a couple months.  We hung out, he was nice, I didn’t have any problems with him.  Things were going well, aside from the ongoing deodorant issue.  I was still working on that part.  I considered what I had done when I realized my son needed deodorant.  He had been playing baseball and walked into the house.  Suddenly there was a waft of major body odor.  At first I checked myself.  No, it wasn’t me.  It was definitely the kid.  I called him into the living room and said, hey, listen, you stink and you need to start wearing deodorant, OK?  He said OK, the conversation was over. Somehow this didn’t seem like the right strategy for Dave.

I was out with my sister one night at the local bar where we hung out.  I had made plans to meet with Dave later, but my sister was in a shit mood and wanted another drink.  I texted Dave and asked him to come to the bar and meet me there.  He was fine with that.

He got to the bar and it was obvious my sister was pissed off, so Dave asked why.  I repeated the story she had told me earlier.  She was the single sister, also trying to find a decent guy to date.  She had gone out with a guy the night before, and thought he seemed nice.  Then he took her back to his place, and wanted her to sleep with him.  She gave him a choice, have sex with her right then and never see her again because he would forever be just a hookup, or wait and see her again and have sex at some point later down the road.  Dude argued with her, told her they could have sex that night and still see each other, blah, blah, blah.  In the end dude decides to go for it.  My sister has sex with the guy, said he was absolutely awful. And to top it all off, asshole wanted to cuddle afterwards.  Do you believe this guy? Only when I told Dave the story I was laughing, and Dave said yeah, that’s weird, he wanted to color after sex?  We lost it.  The bar had been listening to the story as well apparently.  One bartender said, if it’s really special, I pull out my box of 64 WITH the sharpener.  The other bartender chimed in, I like pastels when it’s really good.  Then patrons started yelling their preferences for markers and watercolors from the other end of the bar.  Dave was a good sport about it.

Like I said, I had no problem with Dave dating.  He was significantly younger than me, and wanted a marriage and kids, which clearly wasn’t in the cards for me.  He texted me one day and said, I might be at your local bar tonight with a date.  Can you not go there tonight or act like you don’t know me if you see me there? What the fuck? First of all, I never would have approached him had I seen him with some girl his age.  That would be tactless.  I have no desire for every girl he meets to know I sleep with the guy.  But what bothered me most was, he knew my sister and I hung out at that bar.  We were friends with the bartenders (box of 64 and pastels).  He had been there with me.  He wanted me to avoid my local hangout so he could bring some girl there and pretend I didn’t exist if I happened to walk in?  No, I don’t think so. I suggested he tell this new girl he would rather go someplace else (there were three other bars within walking distance, which my sister and I did not patronize), or deal with the fact that my sister and I could very well be there that night.  I also told him he was self absorbed and we were done.

I have no idea if he went there that night. I didn’t.  It wasn’t like my sister and I were there every night, just once every week or so.  He texted me later and said he was sorry, but I wasn’t interested anymore in a guy who wanted me to hide in my local hangout so he could be comfortable with some girl.  No thanks.  Bye Dave.  And I never did figure out how to tell him about the deodorant thing.  I hope the next girl is better with that kind of shit.

 

007 AGAIN

So, yeah, somewhere around here 007 popped up again.  He would contact me every few months and ask what was up.  Every now and then, I did contact him.  Mostly when I was drunk.  Each time he would say we should get together and proceed to make a bunch of comments about how I should fuck him. I’d get irritated and tell him there was no way I’d fuck him, that he needed to date me like a normal guy, and then he was gone again.  All this from a guy who still hadn’t even kissed me.  It was like a tradition.