Guy 30 – Max – Cooking guy

Max was new to the area and didn’t know many people.  He was also recently divorced.  He liked cooking, I like baking.  We made a date to meet in the park and go for a walk.  Things seemed OK, so we went back to my house where he cooked dinner, and I made dessert.  Towards the end of the night, we were kissing and it just felt wrong.  I told him I felt like he was the wrong person in the right place at the right time, and I was the same for him.  We could keep going, but we’d both end up regretting it at some point.  He agreed and went home.  We talked a few times after that, but never got together again.

 

Guy 31 – Abel – Drunk girlfriend guy

Abel was an angry guy.  His girlfriend had a major drinking problem, and had cheated on him.  He thought if he did the same, he’d feel better.  It didn’t take long for him to realize things don’t work that way.  Nothing happened, never saw him again.

 

Guy 32 –Steve – Ugly text guy

I emailed back and forth with Steve for a while before meeting.  We finally agreed to meet for drinks and see how it went.  He was one of those manly men, big guy, who sold motorcycles for a living.  I swore he was hitting on the waiter, trying to get him to buy a bike.  He kept buying drinks, I told him I couldn’t drink anymore and drive home.  He said I could hang at his place for a while.  He didn’t live far from where we were, and he promised to take me back to my car.

We walked into his apartment and a five pound excuse for a dog (named Kitty) came running out.  This great big guy had a tiny little Chihuahua, and he adored that dog.  He flopped onto the sofa and we sat there watching American Pickers (I think that’s the name of the show, I wasn’t really paying attention) for two hours.  I shit you not.  I was bored out of my mind and ready to go.  That’s when Steve decided to make his move.  Next thing I knew, his dick was out of his pants and in my face, and he was insisting I really wanted to blow him.  Not happening.  Things got weird and awkward, he took me back to my car.  I emailed the next day and said the situation had been odd and uncomfortable.  Steve replied that he wasn’t attracted to me and didn’t want to sleep with me.  Thanks, buddy.  Classy move.

 

Guy 33 – Philip

Nothing memorable.

 

Guy 34 – Shane –  Angry guy 2

Shane was another angry guy.  It seemed I had a knack for picking them.  His wife had cheated on him with a friend’s wife.  I couldn’t tell if he was more upset that she had cheated, or that it had been with a woman.  Two hours of discussing how much his life sucked convinced me this was a mistake.  He suggested meeting again, I took a pass.  Sorry, I can’t fix broken guys.  I’m trying really hard just to keep myself together.

 

Guy 35 – Kevin – “Different” guy

Kevin got the shitty end of the stick.  We had made plans to go out, but my sister and friend were both miserable that night, probably over guys, and wanted me to hang out with them.  I asked Kevin if we could reschedule.  He said he’d just hang out with all three of us.  Um, OK, it’s your funeral, dude.

Kevin was one of those artsy guys marching to the beat of his own drum or whatever.  You know, the ones who try just a little too hard to make sure you know they’re “different”.  They aren’t like the rest of those boring normal guys.

He showed up for dinner with two bottles of liquor (it was a byob) and proceeded to try to get my sister and friend wasted.  We didn’t quite get there during dinner, so we walked around the corner to a neighborhood bar.  It was a weekend night, the place was mobbed, and Kevin was very obviously out of place.  He kept going outside to smoke and asking me to go with him.  On one of these smoke breaks he asked why I hung out with the people in this bar when I could do better.  Told me I wasn’t like them.  (Maybe I was “different” too?)  Granted there were lots of drunk assholes in that bar, but my friends were there too.  I give Kevin full credit for trying to salvage a crappy night with three women on one date.  It turns out I wasn’t better than the people in that bar, and I never saw Kevin again.

 

Guy 36 – Calvin – Red flag guy

This was my red flag situation and one of the few times I felt threatened by a guy.

I had been talking to Calvin via email for a while.  He was just finishing up his PhD in English from some school up north – Maine, Vermont, one of those little cold states .  He liked to read, and we seemed to have a lot in common in terms of authors and books we liked.  He asked me to hang out. He said he was living in a boarding house until he figured out his work situation, and we could sit on the porch or by the pool.

Red flag #1 – I got to the boarding house and immediately realized Calvin had sent me a pic from about five years and fifty pounds earlier.  OK, he’s not the first guy to pull that shit, and we’re just going to talk about books anyway.  I can let this go.

Red flag #2 – He wanted to give me a tour of the boarding house.  It was a huge old house divided up so each resident had a bedroom, and possibly private bathroom, depending on which room was yours.  Common kitchen and living areas.  The tour ended in Calvin’s room.

Red flag #3 – Something about this guy just felt off, like he was seriously unhinged somehow.  I can’t explain it, but I trusted my instincts and knew I wanted to go. He started kissing me, and I told him that wasn’t happening and I wanted to leave.

Red flag #4 – Calvin is standing over me with his dick out, telling me I can’t leave, I just got there.  He was a pretty big guy (remember, at least 50 lbs heavier than his pic).  I moved toward the door and said again that I was leaving.  He stood between me and the door, still with his dick in hand, telling me I had to stay.  Just as I was ready to scream bloody murder and get everyone in that fucking boarding house to his room, Calvin finally moved and I ran out of the house.

So, I ignored a bunch of red flags, did something stupid, and put myself in a threatening situation.  Luckily I got out OK, and knew there was no way I’d be seeing Calvin again – unless his face was on a most wanted sign in the post office.

The next day he emailed me and said he wasn’t attracted or interested in me and didn’t want to see me again.  Yeah, I saw his disinterest in his hand the night before when he pulled it out of his pants and blocked me from leaving.  Whatever, I was out and if being the one to do the rejecting made crazy fucking Calvin feel better, so be it.  I didn’t reply and never heard from him again.

 

Guys 37 and 38 – Damian and Morgan

Nice enough guys, nothing memorable. No reason to see them again.

 

Guy 39 – Jason – Bruise guy

I met Jason in a local park.  He was a younger guy.  We hung out, kissed a little and agreed to meet again. The next time I saw him, his hands were covered in scrapes and he had obviously been in a fight.  At some point he took off the sweatshirt he had been wearing when I met him both times, and his arms were covered in bruises that looked like tracks to me.  Not that I’ve seen a lot of that, but one of my uncles did have a raging heroin addiction for a couple years.  I asked if he was a drug addict, and he told me he had some obscure disease that left him covered in bruises.  Then the story came out of the night before, when he had bumped into his ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend.  A fight ensued, Jason still loved her. I told Jason he needed to figure out his shit and left.  No more Jason.