Repeat – 007

Yes, you read that right.  It may not have been entirely his fault that he was back.  I had gone through enough guys to wonder why none ended up being around for long.  I decided to ask past dates, mainly guys who had gone MIA or left me confused.  I got back a couple sorry, I was an asshole, it wasn’t you replies.  There were a couple oh hey, I liked you, we should get together again.  I think the bulk of them just ignored my request.  007, however, took forever to respond (said he was on vacation).   He didn’t answer my question, but we did start talking again.  Or rather, emailing and texting again.

Things will be different this time he promises.  He’ll call me if he can’t make a date, etc, etc.  We met up, I liked him.   Damnit, it would have been so much easier if he was Lee, or Andrew, or anyone.  I like the guy, even though part of me is screaming, HE’S AN ASSHOLE!  WALK AWAY!

That screaming part was right.  He texted me a few days later and said he was just looking for a fuck buddy.  I told him I wasn’t interested in the position and I’d have to pass.  This is a guy who hasn’t even kissed me, but he wants to bang me?  He falls into the aforementioned guys I actually like and will not randomly bang category.  Not happening, it would set me up to get hurt.  No thanks, bye again 007.

 

Guy 17 – Jonathan

Much younger, way out of my league.  But super hot, so I didn’t just write him off.  I didn’t contact him, but I was definitely answering if he called me.

A few weeks later…  I get a call at 3 am.  It’s Jonathan.  He’s at the casino and just finished (he gambles professionally, that’s how he supports himself).  He wanted my address so he could come over.  I pointed out he had clearly been drinking, and could not drive.  He said he’d take a taxi. Yeah, right, like a taxi is going to take you out to where I live at 3 in the morning.  He made a deal, if he could find a taxi to get to my house, I’d let him in.  I figured that was one I couldn’t lose.  Don’t make deals with professional gamblers, they know what they’re doing.  He called me back 10 minutes later to tell me he was in a taxi headed to my house and needed my address.  Again, super hot, younger guy, fuck it, why not?  I told Jonathan I’d leave the door open for him, but I was going back to bed.  I knew he had at least a 40 minute ride.

It’s almost an hour later.  Jonathan called me again.  He said, your door isn’t open.  I said, yes, it definitely is.  I unlocked it earlier.  He insisted, no, it was locked.  I told him, I think you might be at the wrong house.  Yup, Jonathan was trying to break into my neighbor’s house.  My neighbor is 6’8”.  I don’t think he would appreciate Jonathan climbing into bed with him. I, however, did appreciate it.  One more time, SUPER HOT, and I just had 007 go down in flames AGAIN.  I found the situation hysterical.  Jonathan, not so much.

He woke up frantic the next morning, talking about his puppy.  He left her alone all night.  I drove him home, came back to my home and slept some more.  No more Jonathan.

 

Guy 18 – Leo – Flower guy

This guy contacted me through the dating website.  At this point, I had had enough.  I wanted a break.  I told Leo, you seem like a nice guy, but I’m just not at a point where it would be good to date.  He convinced me to meet him for lunch.  He was a really nice guy.  He lived about 10 minutes from me.  He had a great job.  He had kids around the same age as my son.  I shouldn’t have done it, but I agreed to see him again.  People kept saying, maybe he’ll grow on you.  You know what grows on you?  Tumors and mold.  Neither one is pleasant.

He took me walking in the park with my dogs.  He took me to the zoo.  He brought flowers every time he saw me.  He called me during a storm to make sure I had power and offered to bring me over a spare flashlight.  Super nice guy.

It was in the back of my head the whole time, while everyone else thought he was growing on me, I felt like I was leading the guy on.  It came to a head when we came back to my house after a date, and he leaned in to kiss me.  I cringed.  I had to end it.  I told him I was sorry, I didn’t feel that way about him. I told him I thought he was a great guy and I’d be more than happy to hang out with him as friends.  He said, that’s not what I want, turned around, walked out and slammed my front door.  Sorry, flower guy, I really did try, I just couldn’t do it.  When you cringe away from a kiss, you know it’s a bad situation.

I was walking in Target maybe 9 months later.  I look up and see Flower guy walking down the aisle toward me, and he gets that look where you know they’ve seen you, but can’t decide what to do.  Remember, he lives right by me.  I completely panicked.  The guy had stormed out of my house and slammed the door.  I felt bad about the whole thing, but he really acted like a big baby.  Did I want to talk to the guy now?  I figured I had three choices.  #1 Keep walking and say hi to the guy.  Just act like nothing is wrong, he didn’t act like a bit of an ass the last time you saw him.  #2 Walk past the guy and pretend I didn’t recognize him.  That felt shitty, even for me.  I realized I didn’t have a third choice in my panicked brilliant plans, so I dove into a rack of women’s pants that I was suddenly very interested in buying.  He took the hint and walked past.   No more flowers…

 

Guy 19 – Gary

Brief one nighter with much younger guy.  I warned you I like the younger guys.  I never thought I’d say it, but I like being a cougar sometimes.  Anyway, one and done.

 

Guy 20 – Marvin – Crying guy

Marvin may very well be my best story.  He came over during one of those crazy storms because he had lost power and didn’t have hot water.  He seemed nice at first, but something felt off.  He almost seemed afraid of me. We talked for a while, then we started making out.  High school stuff, fully clothed, guy puts his hand in your pants kind of thing.  So, I put my hand in his pants.  Before I even touched him he yelled, OH MY GOD.  I pulled my hand back and jumped away.  I asked, what’s wrong.  He said, I came.  OK, so maybe that’s a little embarrassing, cumming in your pants in front of a girl.  I said, it’s OK, no big deal.  The next thing I know, he’s sobbing hysterically.

This is one I had never dealt with before.  I will be perfectly honest, I am not the sensitive type.  I dug way deep down and said, really, it’s OK, it happens.  Yeah, that was my sensitive side coming out.  He sobbed for a few minutes while I sat there in shock, just watching.  Then he turned to me and said, I think I’m having a panic attack.  I think I should go home.  To which I answered, yeah, I think you should go too.  He walked out, still crying, and I knew I was done with Marvin. I mean, dude, I didn’t even touch the guy.  I’m not that good.  Yet I somehow made a guy cry.  It was a really traumatic moment in life.  For me, I mean.  I’m gonna guess that wasn’t Marvin’s first or last cry related to sex.  There is something deep rooted wrong there.  I’m fucked up and dysfunctional, but even I know this is way bad.

I wrote off Crying guy as a whack job.  My friend, upon hearing the story, said she would like to get his number because she thought he was sensitive.   I told her he was fucking nuts, and she was too if she talked to him.  I refused to give her the number.  He actually emailed me a couple months later, asking if I’d like to get together.  Sure Crying guy, I want to see you just about as much as I want my eyes gouged out with rusty spoons.  I didn’t reply, never heard from him again.  Crying guy will remain one of my strangest guy experiences in life.  At least I hope nothing stranger than that ever happens to me.